No Man No

Dealing with people lately has been one frustrating ordeal after another for the last few weeks. On the personal side, fighting around me is making me sad and inflexibility from others is pushing me to the edge of my easygoing nature. Professionally, people have just not lived up to the essence of that word; the idea of paperwork has just became a joke and that was just not acceptable from my side.

My last post was November 26th so I am quite behind on my goal to blog regularly. But I will take this chance to catch up on (and yes, complain a bit) about all the things that made me go astray:

  • Fresh in my head: I wasted too much time losing patience over a man who, after doing repairs on an appliance in my house, refuses to provide a receipt and proof of warranty. I spent a lot of money to get things done and I expect quality service, even paid him on good faith before receiving these and he promised to send the paperwork. Fast forward about 40 days, he is suspicious about why I want a receipt, which is absolutely ridiculous since I have been asking repeatedly since day service was completed. Now, I really wonder what I could possibly do with such a piece of paper that he is so afraid of. He also had the gall to call me “abusive” when I pointed out that his inability to produce a receipt (replaced by feedback such as “you really don’t need it” or “I am too old to remember to send”) was unprofessional. It isn’t really a judgement call: I do not swear or threaten because that shuts down a conversation. The most aggressive thing I did was interrupting his speech on why his business is superbly professional. That was absolutely ridiculous given that all he had to do to prove professionalism to me was to send me a receipt. I am now looking into this more but I think I am completely within my right as a consumer to demand receipt and proof of warranty which I paid for.
  • Just as good was some interaction around a job offer I received last week. Reluctant as I was to take on full-time employment again, the universe gave me a sign to support avoiding it. I wasted three days on the interview process (interviewers couldn’t coordinate their days off and meet me at the same time). Fine, not a big deal. We discussed salary: I said what I wanted and they said their maximum. I suggested let’s meet in the middle. The difference was $5,000 and they moved up and covered $3,000 of that, as they said that was the maximum they could get approval for plus a raise to a specified amount again in 6 months. Okay, fine. I wait and wait for paperwork, which was promised in 4 days and ends up taking 10 days. I receive it an hour before the end of the business day and my first day of work is the next day. I am requested to please please sign and send back right away. I hurry home to read and sign before business day closes, not worried about any issues and everything had already been discussed. It wasn’t as simple as that. It turns out the “approved” salary level that had been confirmed to me, it had actually not been put through the approval process. I received an employment agreement with lower salary and a wait till a raise for 12 months instead of 6! And they just sent it to me like that without any explanation. I found out about the approval issue only when I called and asked. So, that was the best we can really do. Please sign and send back the agreement and see you Monday. I refused the job not because I couldn’t handle the salary drop but just sending me an agreement that reneged on our discussions without having any respect for me and the hiring process was crazy. This was just a hint perhaps into what I might have faced if I had joined the company. They could not deliver on promised salary that was papered within a week of their comments, so I felt it was not great to make my decisions on the basis of growth and opportunities for 2-3 years down the road. As a result, I am now once again happily a poor, struggling entrepreneur only again.
  • Between the time that I had accepted the verbally stated terms of the job and when the stupid agreement came, I had spent 10 days mentally trying to reconcile myself to the idea of working full time again, commuting 3 hours a day, and finding a lot of energy to make my business, blog and multitude of other dreams as a side hustle. There was a lot of whining. I do feel a bit bad about that as I know I am incredibly lucky to be in the position to complain about employment. But still I couldn’t sleep at nights thinking of the fact that I was giving up on my dreams and better things that I feel I am capable of. Signing up for a job was accepting a delay of at least 2-3 more years. Fast forward to now, even though, I did not start working, the interview and mental prep time seems to have taken something out of me. I want again that momentum, a fire, a plan always brewing in my mind. I want that back so badly!! Writing this is helping me a bit but what else can I do?
  • I watched the Jim Carrey movie Yes Man right before the job possibility came up. It actually stayed in my mind as I reluctantly agreed to go for an interview. Definitely, I can say, agreeing to everything is not the way to go. It has gotten me trampled too many times. I need to sit and think about what I really want and then realize and accept the things coming up that will or won’t help me get there. Sometimes, saying no is definitely the better way. The movie’s chain of luck after saying yes is just too good to be true. Saying no could prove to be just as lucky. For things entirely beyond your knowledge, probability is 50/50.
  • More on the personal side, watching other people’s lives is making me sad. A person scared to live life as wanted. Someone without love and effort to reciprocate for family. Fighting over household chores and the busy rat race taking over the theme of a relationship. People without compassion or empathy easily bulldozing over others. It never ceases to amaze me how bad and illogical adults can really be about life issues, such as relationships, fears and important decisions.
  • I do adulting differently from these last set of people I mention. I try to keep things simple. Yes, I make mistakes just like everyone else. But there are some things that can come to us so easy if we just adjust ourselves and our lives to attract goodness. I see people think me foolish for it. I do get the impression that people think I am immature or cannot handle things properly. I do not see myself as that. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and I am one of those people. I remind myself not to be bogged down by people’s impression of me as immature or naive. I can do what I need to do and exceed those low expectations.
  • I want to get back on the track of living, enjoying and building on my life. Step by step add goods things to it. Exercise, meditation, better food, uplifting friends, more time for writing. The potential gives me excitement and hope. Progress does that even more.
  • I promise you and myself that I will post again soon.

Thank you for reading. Please leave some encouraging comments, ideas, or recommendations. An uplifting thought or blog post of yours? The blogging community really helps me see a side of people and hope that it can be a struggle to find otherwise.

Lessons for Entrepreneurs I

For the past week, trying to become an entrepreneur with an actual business has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. One minute, I feel ready to market and deliver everything; the next minute, I think I cannot do this so should just look for my next desk job.

Yes, entrepreneurship is a risky, challenging, and overwhelming feat to take on. But if you really want it, you will accept all that and keep going. Sometimes, I really question whether I accept that or not. But I know the alternative of working the desk job all my life is not what I want. Is that a good enough reason? I won’t give up on this dream and I know I will really regret later in life if I look back and think I gave up opportunities and effort.

Continue reading “Lessons for Entrepreneurs I”

Becoming More

Today, I read a list of goals that I made for myself 3 years ago. Yes, I did achieve some of them but 10% success rate is not something I want to give myself a pat on the back for. No, my list of goals was not unreasonably out of reach. I also revisited something I read a long time ago that personifies my results and a story of how many people can live out their lives without question or ambition. A faraway, vague dream to achieve something amazing is not enough.

Continue reading “Becoming More”